how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
