I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
