I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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