so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
