I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
