Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Randomize
