Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize