Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
