my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
