haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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