apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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