Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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