Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
