I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
