I just pynch a tree in the face
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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