I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
As shirtless as possible
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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