i just sent this text using only my big toe
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
