I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
