i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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