matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
