CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
