Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
