We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
