I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
