She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize