When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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