I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
