areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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