A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I want her autograph on my taint
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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