There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I puked a lego.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
we're so committed to being not committed
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
