u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
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