3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
