Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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