I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
