I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
