You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
