I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
