i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Can I color on your dick again?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
