you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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