apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize