the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
