'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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