You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
