my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Shame - the story of my life.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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