Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
