YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
