Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Panties = found
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
