my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
