i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
