I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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