oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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