Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
