When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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