I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
