We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
