Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
