just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
fuck your aforementioned shoe
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
