I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
