There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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