well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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