I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
