I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
