you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
