tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
