No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
