Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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