I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize