who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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