we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
