we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
