Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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