I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
