I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
