You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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