Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
