I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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