you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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