I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
