I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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