is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
