This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
