Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
