I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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