Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
