I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
