So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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