I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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