Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize