my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Randomize
