They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
