Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
