Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
