I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
