just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
