Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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