so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize