Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I stole a fireplace last night.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
