i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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