Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
