CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
