Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
